
Welcome back to another #wabisabiwednesdays blog post! I hope you have had a great start to the new year.
This week, let's tackle the topic of boundaries.
Boundaries are defined by a pathway to healthy love where both parties can interact while still protecting each of their own’s well-being. They can be exercised in personal contexts, in romantic relationships, work settings, even within friendships. Boundaries are simply the lines we draw for ourselves in terms of our level of comfort around others.
The stigma around boundaries:
Boundaries get a bad rep - usually because they are misunderstood by those with low emotional intelligence, and for those who approach relationships with unhealthy attachment styles and insecurity. Boundaries aid relationships, they do not deter from the truth and beauty of them.
Establishing boundaries involves expressing your needs for healthy interactions with others. While it can be challenging, as not everyone may agree with or understand your boundaries or reasons for them, failing to set them ensures they won’t be respected. Setting boundaries requires courage and determination, but it brings the reassurance that your expectations are clear. If someone disregards these boundaries despite being informed, it is entirely reasonable to create more distance to protect your well-being.
Let me take you step by step how boundaries can be implemented. I present to you a scenario:
Imagine you’re at work, and you have a coworker who you get along with very well. You two have established a good friendship, and look forward to seeing each other every day. However, you noticed recently, that she has been distracting you a lot during work hours, and chatting your ear off. You do not want your boss to notice but at the same time, you are not sure how to communicate to your friend politely as you don't want to ruin the friendship.
This is a scenario that calls for setting a boundary.
Discomfort is present with a lot of things in life, must more so especially when communication needs to be made. I want you to remember that you do not owe anyone your kindness if it is not reciprocated with respect. In a society that thrives on many of us people pleasing our ways through relationships, boundaries certify respect and uphold true healthy attachment with one another.
How do we set a boundary? Let me introduce to you my 5 step process of setting healthy communication & boundaries.
Reflect on what feels uncomfortable and identify your needs (In this specific scenario above, the first party needs to identify that it is not the fact that her friend is talking to her that is the problem but rather the time and place)
Use simple, firm, and respectful language to express your boundaries (take them through how you feel, and use words like "I am not comfortable with" and "I feel that" keeping that firmness in your own perspective present)
Own any part you may have played in allowing the situation going awry (Accept that you might have allowed this person to cross such boundaries before and therefore made them feel like you were comfortable with them doing so in the past)
Be prepared for resistance and handle such calmly (Boundaries can trigger emotional reactions, it is not your job to respond and soothe the other party however, you can hold space by saying "I understand that this might be hard for you to hear" or "I know this is not easy for you but I stand by what I said as it is important for me"
Stay consistent if reiteration is needed (You need to be on your own side, and ensure people are respecting that)
Know that you are worth the healthiest love possible, show up for yourself and your needs especially when it is uncomfortable, that's when you need it the most!
By: Ranya I.
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